


A Soft Place to Land

by daenw (freckledfoxes)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Sex, Deanna Winchester - Freeform, F/F, Genderswap, Lesbian Sex, Miscommunication, Oral Sex, Pining, Scissoring, Vaginal Fingering, actually it's van sex... the impala isn't in this 'verse sorry, cas wears a leather jacket, everyone is a woman so eat it, fem!destiel, fem!team free will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 05:20:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11373396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledfoxes/pseuds/daenw
Summary: Seeds that can fly need to land before they can grow. Sometimes they land in the wrong place, destined to fail. Sometimes they land exactly where they're meant to right away. Sometimes they drift, taking their time, too afraid to land at all.





	A Soft Place to Land

Fluff from the black cottonwoods in the area drifts through the air, floating slowly down, almost touching the earth before the breeze sweeps it up again, carrying it away, never stopping.

“Looks like it’s snowing,” Sam comments, a little wonder in her voice, as she stares out the windshield at the piles of white fluff on the side of the road.

Deanna huffs out a mirthless breath of air that she hopes Sam takes as a laugh, but says nothing. She thinks it looks a more like volcanic ash.

Or maybe nuclear winter.

They pull up to a motel off the highway, some dump called Blue Swallow Inn, and park in front of the office. Sam grabs her bag and says she’s going to check them in. Deanna grunts, just to let Sam know she heard her, and cuts the engine. She looks up at the gutters along the roof, full of dead leaves and sprouts trying valiantly to grow where they aren’t meant to. She heaves a heavy sigh and gets out of the van.

Once Sam has the key, they lug their belongings into their room. It smells like stale weed and Febreze, which Deanna can’t actually complain about since they’ve slept in places that smelled worse. She drops her bag and strides across the room, pushing open the curtains to try and alleviate the caged-in feeling. Dust billows into the air and she coughs, waving it away from her face. There’s no air conditioning in this place, so she cracks open the window enough to let the breeze in. The effect is immediate, but not altogether drastic.

She misses the bunker already.

Sam sets her laptop up at the small table next to the kitchenette. She slumps into the chair and begins typing away, looking up whatever she can on the case and running the specifics through the program Charlie had set up for them. Two missing. Three dead victims found in a ravine with their tongues and eyes ripped out.

Deanna sighs and drops down onto one of the beds and starts removing her boots.

“Why are you so sure this is our thing?” she asks as she digs through her bag for a bottle of ibuprofen. She finds it, dumps two pills into her hand, and swallows them dry.

Sam doesn’t look up from her computer when she answers. “Something is taking people's’ eyes, Dean. And their tongues. And apparently there’s been demonic activity all over this place for weeks. Listen,” and Sam switches tabs on the browser so she can look at the article of the most recent death.

“So, the last vic was found in the ravine just outside of town. Forty-three years old, no wife or kids, this guy was a bartender. The guy before that was forty-five, also no wife or kids, and he worked as a bus driver. The three who are missing are also in their forties, no families, and worked blue-collar jobs. Obviously, a connection, and there have also been livestock deaths, lightning storms, and this is the only town on the west side of the Cascades that’s experiencing a drought.”

Deanna sighs and rubs her eyes. The dust and cottonwood were starting to get to her. “Maybe the weather is a coincidence?”

“Why do you _not_ want this to be a demon so _bad_ , Dee?”

Shaking her head, Deanna gets to her feet and heads toward the bathroom. “Just-- whatever. I need a shower.”

Sam opens her mouth to say something but Deanna resolutely ignores her. She closes the bathroom door behind her, and if it slams a little too hard, well then maybe that will signal Sam to leave her the hell alone for a little while. She’s tired and she doesn’t want to be here.

She strips off her clothes, cringing at where her tank top sticks a little too uncomfortably to her skin with sweat. She tosses everything to the corner of the bathroom and stretches out her limbs before looking at herself in the mirror.

Deanna’s face is still mottled with fading purple and green from their last hunt, barely hidden under a layer of foundation. The cheap makeup she managed to scrounge up from the drugstore didn’t do much to cover the bruising and felt heavy on her skin. She pulls a facial wipe from her bag of toiletries and wipes at her face, revealing just how dark the bruise still is. She does her best not to press too hard, but she winces even at the light touch of the wet cloth. She drops the wipe into the trash when her face is clear of makeup and she looks in the mirror again.

She runs her fingers through her hair and sucks in a sharp breath as her nails scrape over the half-healed gash in her scalp that’d she’d forgotten about. She looks at her fingers when she draws her hand away and sees little spots of blood. She sighs and closes her eyes, leaning forward with her hands gripped tight around the edges of the sink. She sniffs and takes a few deep, steadying breaths through her nose.

After a moment, she steps away from the sink and goes to the shower. She turns on the water and steps in without even checking the temperature. She’s met with an ice-cold stream but she barely notices. She moves under the spray and lets it sooth the pain in her scalp. She hums absently, Zepp’s _Kashmir_ worming its way from her brain and into her throat. The sound bounces off the walls pleasantly and she’s a little impressed with the acoustics of this bathroom.

The absurdity of that thought makes a laugh bubble up out of her chest. She turns her body to face the stream of water and lets it fall over her face, a smile still on her lips.

She shuts off the water when it begins to run too cold for even her to handle. She steps out, smile still pulling up the corners of her mouth slightly, and she wraps a towel around her body. She wrings her hair out into the tub and walks over to the sink. She digs through her bag and pulls out her moisturizer and her toothbrush and toothpaste, then looks up into the mirror.

Cas is standing right behind her, looking at her with her brows furrowed.

Deanna curses, jumping. Her things scatter across the linoleum floor.

“Hello, Deanna.”

“God dammit, Cas. You can’t… Why’d you sneak up on me like that?” she snaps, bending down to pick up her things, holding tightly to the knot on the front of her towel so it doesn’t fall down. God forbid Cas get a nice full view of her ass.

“I apologize. You seemed-- Troubled. I came as soon as I could.”

Deanna sighs, shaking her head as she straightens up again. “We’re fine, Cas. _I’m_ fine. If you’re too busy--”

“You don’t look fine,” Cas observes, cutting her off and raising a hand toward Deanna’s face.

Deanna leans away and takes a deep breath. “Don’t worry about it.”

Cas squints at her irritably for a moment before stepping closer and cupping the side of Deanna’s face, her fingers sliding back into her hair. Deanna feels the electric charge and coolness of grace seeping through her skin and the pain in her face and scalp are gone.

Deanna lets out a breath. And leans out of Cas’ touch. “You don’t gotta do that, Cas. I’ve had worse.”

“I know. But I want to do _something_ for you. No matter how stubbornly you refuse.”

Deanna swallows and looks up into Cas’ face, looks at the baby hairs around her hairline, at the soft line of her lashes, at the rosy tint of her cheeks, her lips. Deanna licks her own lips and looks back toward the mirror.

“Well… thanks,” she mutters, end of discussion.

Cas continues to stand there and stare for a moment that stretches uncomfortably long. It makes the back of Deanna’s neck prickle.

“Dee--”

“Where the hell have you _been_ , Cas?” Deanna asks before Cas can say anything else, her anger from earlier bubbling back to the surface. “We needed you.” She dumps a bit of moisturizer into her hand and smooths it over her face, trying to alleviate some of the tightness she’s feeling in her skin from the shower. She carefully avoids looking at Cas in the mirror as she shoves the bottle back in her bag.

“I’m sorry. They needed me in Heaven--”

Deanna snorts. “Since when do they need _you_?”

She can practically hear Cas bristle, sees her straighten up taller in the mirror out of the corner of her eye. “They’re my family, Deanna. Regardless of anything that’s happened in the past--”

“They brainwashed and tortured you,” Deanna supplies bluntly. Several times, she thinks to herself, recalling the number of times Cas has gone AWOL and returned with another brutal interrogation under her belt or just flat out not acting like herself. Deanna has witnessed the fallout every single time and the fact that Cas even bothers with the angels anymore offends her more than it probably should.

“ _Regardless_ , when they need me, I go to them. You do the same with your family.”

“Yeah. My family. Sam and Mom and _you_.”

Cas falls silent for a moment and Deanna thinks that maybe she’s done arguing.

If only.

“I can’t help that you have misinterpreted our relationship, Deanna,” Cas says coolly.

 _Ouch_.

Deanna thanks her lucky stars that she doesn’t drop the toothbrush and toothpaste tube that are still in her hands. She swallows thickly, staring down into the bottom of the sink for a moment before turning on the water.

“Great. Thanks for the reminder. Can you get out now?” Her voice wavers.

Cas sighs, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. “Dee--”

Her anger flares up again, trying to protect her from whatever excuse Cas is about to make. “I said get the hell out, Cas,” she snaps, glaring back at Cas in the mirror.

Cas falls silent. Her gaze flutters and drops to the floor. Her shoulders droop and her jaw goes tight and if Deanna wasn’t so angry she might be able to muster up the energy to feel bad about yelling. As it is, she can’t feel anything but cold hard dread in the pit of her stomach.

“Of course.”

And Cas vanishes with a flutter of wings.

Deanna stares hard at the water swirling down the drain. She feels like she’s being sucked down with it.

 

Sam is looking at her when she leaves the bathroom but Deanna ignores her. She pulls off her towel, wraps it around her hair, and pulls on some ratty old clothes because she can’t be bothered with jeans right now. She settles on her bed and turns on the TV, fully intending on falling asleep within the next ten minutes. Being dead to the world sounds like the best thing, right about now.

“Was Cas in the bathroom with you?” Sam asks, though she obviously already knows. The walls of this motel are paper thin at best.

Deanna doesn’t look away from the TV. “Yup.”

“Did she say why she wasn’t answering her phone?” Sam pushes, because of course Sam is going to play dumb and try to get Deanna to talk about her feelings.

“Apparently the angels needed her,” is all Deanna says.

“Huh.” Sam doesn’t comment further.

Deanna wills her stomach to stop twisting itself into knots and falls asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Turns out the hunt _wasn’t_ their thing. Just a human girl going after some monumentally shitty dudes. Deanna can’t say she blames her, after what she heard. She had half a mind to go after the rest of the guys on the girl’s list herself. The police caught her before Sam and Deanna even had a chance to confront her about it.

Deanna doesn’t bother holding back once they start their journey home.

“I told you the weather and those damn cows were a coincidence.”

“Whatever, Dee. That was a legitimate lead and you know it. Just because they _weren’t_ connected doesn’t mean they _couldn’t_ have been.”

Deanna snorts and tosses her duffle into the back of the van before closing the hatch. She climbs into the front seat and turns the keys in the ignition before pulling her box of tapes out from under the passenger seat. She finds a Stevie Nicks cassette and jams it into the tape deck, cranking the volume and taking off down the highway once Sam is in the van and buckled up.

They’re driving for a while before Sam decides it’s time to share their feelings.

Deanna glares at her when Sam reaches forward and turns the volume down on the stereo. Sam turns a little in her seat, as much as her seatbelt will allow, and levels Deanna with a very serious look.

“You wanna talk about what happened with Cas?”

Deanna glares out at the road ahead of them. “Did you seriously wait until we were on the road to ask me about this?”

Sam shrugs. “Yeah. This way you can’t avoid it. So? What happened?”

Deanna grinds her teeth angrily and stares hard out at the burning hot asphalt ahead of them for a moment before answering.

“I asked her where she’d been, she said she’d been helping the angels, and that was pretty much it.”

“I heard you tell her to leave, Dee. You’re usually the one petitioning for her to stay.”

Deanna casts a glance at her sister. “Well, yeah, because I thought maybe she might like a place to land whenever she comes down here. Better than wandering with nowhere to go.”

“Uh huh…”

“ _What?_ ”

“You were so worried about her before, Dee. What happened?” Sam inquired.

Deanna sighed and ran a hand back through her hair. She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I mistook our relationship for a… for somethin’ it wasn’t, and she reminded me that we’re not _actually_ family.”

Sam’s frown turns into a full-on scowl and she scoffs, clearly offended. “She said that?”

Deanna shrugs. “Whatever. She’s right, anyway. We’re not family. She’s an angel with thousands of angel siblings and we’re just… us. She’s doesn’t have time to help us with everything. She’s got bigger fish to fry.”

Sam blinks slowly in disbelief.

“Look, Sammy, don’t get mad at her, okay? She… She’s right, and you know it. I just… forgot.”

Deanna’s hands tighten on the steering wheel, knuckles going white, waiting for the onslaught of anger from Sam. But it never comes. To her surprise, Sam deflates, sinking back into her seat and looking out the windshield.

“I can’t believe she said that to you… After everything.”

Deanna sighs. “Well, I needed the reminder, so…”

Sam is itching to say something, but Deanna leans forward and turns the volume back up on the stereo. Sam’s fingers fidget and her jaw works around words that never make it out of her mouth.

 

* * *

 

 

Deanna wakes up in a cold sweat, her heart nearly beating right out of her chest and her breath coming in short, ragged gasps. She pushes herself up onto her elbows and tries to blink the image of _Cas_ and _blood_ from her eyes.

She stares into the the absolute darkness of her bedroom, willing the adrenaline coursing through her body to slow and eventually stop. She takes a few deep breaths, then gets to her feet. She stretches out her muscles and massages the back of her neck with her fingertips. She flips on the lamp beside her bed and turns to walk toward her door, but stops abruptly at the sight of Cas standing in the corner of her room.

Deanna stares at her, eyes wide with shock and curiosity because why the hell would Cas keep coming back? Why would she keep answering Deanna’s prayers if she wasn’t her problem anymore? If she didn’t want anything to do with her? If she wasn’t obligated to help them anymore?

“We can’t keep doing this, Deanna,” Cas says firmly, gaze cool when she turns her eyes to Deanna’s face.

Deanna swallows thickly and looks toward the bedroom door. “Then why do you keep showing up? I was having a nightmare. False alarm. Go home.”

Cas is silent for a long moment and Deanna thinks that maybe she isn’t going to answer, which is just fucking typical--

“You’re very loud.”

Deanna’s face heats up and she closes her eyes. “Right. Sorry. Don’t mean to be a fucking annoyance.”

She turns away and looks down at the dish of jewelry sitting on top of her dresser. She reaches out and fiddles with an old ring, trying to distract herself from the acid in her throat.

“Don’t be petulant,” Cas growls, the eyeroll accompanying it very clear in her tone.

Deanna bristles and squeezes the ring in her fist.

Cas sighs. “This isn’t-- I don’t have time for this, Dee. I don’t have the luxury to keep letting you distract me.”

“Then don’t come back here. Why do you keep coming here just to tell me how much you don’t want to be here? Huh?” Deanna rounds on Cas, her eyes stinging. “Stop fucking showing up if you wanna fuck off so bad. See if I give a shit.”

“I need you to stop praying for me, Deanna,” Cas complains.

“Sure thing, Cas. By the way, the door is right behind you.”

But Cas doesn’t move.

“You’re infuriating.”

Deanna snorts and shakes her head. “If you don’t wanna be here, don’t be here. It’s that fucking simple, Cas.”

Cas just looks at her, a pained expression on her face. Deanna glances from her, to the door, then back again and meets Cas’ eyes.

“I don’t… I don’t _want_ to leave.”

Deanna stares, her anger draining away slowly. Her shoulders droop and her fists unclench and her mind is a tidal wave of _what the fuck just happened?_

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right. You wanna run that by me again?” Deanna says flippantly, staring Cas down.

Cas steals herself, draws her shoulders up and raises her chin in an effort to look defiant. “You heard me, Deanna.”

“I don’t think I did. Because it sounds like you said you _don’t want_ to stay away, even though a minute ago you were telling me to stop asking you to come around.”

Cas’ upper lip twitches likes she’s about to snarl. It makes Deanna’s stomach flip.

“You heard correctly,” Cas responds, through gritted teeth like it’s being forced out of her.

“Then what the hell, Cas? Explain to me how that makes any damn sense.”

Cas looks away from Deanna, up toward the ceiling for a moment before turning away completely to face toward the door. Deanna’s heart lurches in her chest and she thinks Cas is about to leave, because of course she would, right in the middle of an important conversation that she doesn’t feel like having, but she doesn’t. Cas just closes the door.

Boxed into the bedroom now, Deanna feels a little like a caged animal. She swallows thickly around a lump in her throat and the hair rises along her arms. Cas turns back around and levels Deanna with a look that screams nothing but trouble for her. Deanna takes a small step back, but raises her chin in faux-confidence, meeting Cas gaze.

“Deanna, I need you to listen to me. And listen well.” Cas takes a step forward, then another, negating the distance Deanna had just put between them. Deanna stands stock still, paralyzed.

“I can not always be here for you. In fact, it’s probably detrimental for me to be here at all. And before you scoff at me like I’ve offended you somehow, you need to understand that while I do consider us friends, _family_ even, and while my loyalty may often rest with you and your sister, I am still an angel. My brothers and sisters are angels. My _duty_ is to Heaven.”

A chill runs down Deanna’s spine when the air in the room seems to crackle. She has no doubt that Cas is reigning in her grace, barely keeping it from bursting forth. She blinks several times and is finally able to tear her eyes away from Cas’ intense stare, dropping her gaze to the floor and taking multiple steps backward until the backs of her knees hit her bed.

“Dee--” Cas starts, her voice softer now. But Deanna puts up a hand, silencing Cas immediately. She runs that same hand over her face, then crosses her arms and closes her eyes.

“If you want to be here, Cas, I want you to stay. I really do. I would love nothing more than for you to stay here with me… me _and_ Sammy,” she adds, trying to save herself the embarrassment of admitting too much. “But if you can’t be here, if you _won’t_ be here… I need you to leave. And don’t-- don’t come back.”

Deanna doesn’t hear her leave, but when she looks up, Cas is gone.

Sam doesn’t ask why Deanna’s in a bad mood this time. Deanna is quiet, and that’s a bad sign. But Sam knows enough that Deanna needs to be kept busy, distracted. So Sam finds them hunt after tireless hunt. Deanna feels like a machine and she’s thankful for it.

“We could go down to California. I see a couple of things that could be supernatural. And those Fresno Nightcrawlers popped up again. You always wanted to know if they were actually aliens or people in sheets…”

“Sounds great, Sammy,” Deanna says quietly, not looking away from the road. “We can stop and grab some grub before heading that way.”

Sam smiles but it’s tight around her eyes. Deanna rolls with it.

 

It turns out the Fresno Nightcrawlers are _not_ aliens, nor are they _people_. They’re fairies, just playing pranks on humans for the hell of it.

“Winchesters? Charlie Bradbury’s Winchesters?”

Deanna goes pale.

“Y-yeah. She was our friend,” Sam answers after a moment, trying to smile but it doesn’t really reach her eyes.

One of the faeries pushes her sheet off, emerging excitedly. “Queen Dorothy wishes to see her again. Oh, she’s been in such a state since Charlie was taken from her. She tries to act stoic, of course, but she misses Charlie dearly. Where can we find her?”

Sam opens her mouth, probably about to let them down gently. But Deanna interrupts her.

“Charlie’s dead.”

The excited fairy girl in front’s face falls almost comically. The couple behind her, still in their sheets, let out gasps and cries of shock.

“Charlie is gone? She’s been slain?”

Deanna swallows hard and gives a curt not. “Yeah. On the job.”

The girl in front swells a little, puffing out her chest and setting her shoulders, looks proud despite the tears welling up in her eyes. She gives a nod of her own. “She fought valiantly until the very end, I’m sure,” she says firmly.

Deanna lets out a huff and looks down at the ground.

“Yeah, she did,” Sam answers.

The fairy nods and looks back at her companions. “We must return and inform the Queen. She’ll need to know. There will be a celebration of life, in honor of Charlie Bradbury.” The two fairies she is addressing give nods beneath their sheets and turn to head off toward the forest from where they came.

The fairy turns back to Sam and Deanna, a sad smile on her face. “We are terribly sorry we’ve led you on a wild goose chase. It’s just a bit of fun.”

Sam offers her a smile in return and shakes her head. “It’s not a problem. Kind of makes it funnier, now that we know.”

The fairy reaches out and takes Sam’s hand. “Perhaps we shall see each other again.” She turns her gaze to Deanna and takes one of her hands in both of her own. “Thank you for telling us about Charlie. It will be… difficult for a time. But it is better than not knowing.”

Deanna looks at her, frowning deeply. “Sure.”

The fairy stares at Deanna for a long moment, long enough that it makes Deanna feel incredibly uncomfortable. Her hands tighten around Deanna’s. Deanna tries to pull away but the fairy holds fast.

“Do not be foolish, Deanna Winchester. She loves you.”

Deanna’s eyes widen.

“You’ve pushed her away, but she will return to you. You need only ask.”

And the fairy lets Deanna go. He smile returns to her face. “I do not wish this to be the last time we meet, Sam and Deanna Winchester. Know that you are always welcome in the realm of the fair folk.”

The fairy disappears, leaving Deanna staring blankly in the spot she’d been standing, and Sam staring at her.

 

* * *

 

 

“No, no, we haven’t heard from her in weeks… Yeah, Claire, I know but-- Just… Just ask Jody if she can ask around? Thanks. Yeah, Dee, she’s… I don’t really know what happened, no… No, Claire, wa---- Hi, Jody. Uh, Dee’s sleeping, actually… She’s been really quiet. I don’t know what happened… Yeah… Yeah… I’ll tell her… Thank you, Jody… Yup… Say hi to Donna for me. Okay.”

Deanna stands around the corner, frowning deeply and staring hard at the brick wall across from her. She listens for a moment after Sam hangs up while she scuffles around the kitchen, presumably making her breakfast, before slipping back down the hall. She heads downstairs to the gym, her hands itching to hit something.

Sam finds her there, hours later, laying into one of the punching bags. Deanna doesn’t notice right away, not until she backs off and gets a glimpse of her sister around the bag. She gives it one last hit before stepping away from it, wiping her brow with the back of her arm.

“Find another case?” she asks, pulling off her gloves and walking over to the bench to sit.

Sam stuffs her hands in the pockets of her jeans and shakes her head. “Nah. Just came to see how you’re doing.”

Deanna snorts and grabs her water bottle to take a swig of it.

Sam raises her eyebrows at her expectantly and Deanna rolls her eyes as she swallows.

“I’m fine.”

“You heard from Cas?”

“You know I haven’t.”

Sam shrugs and sighs. “Claire’s pissed.”

“She’s always pissed.”

Sam sighs and pushes off the door frame. “Jody and Donna are looking into a way to get her down here without praying. A spell or--”

“Can you drop it?”

Sam stops abruptly and frowns at her sister. “What?”

“She’s not coming back, Sam. Just-- Tell them that. She’s not coming back down here. We’re not as important as the angels. She doesn’t want us bothering her.”

Sam scowled. “That can’t possibly be true.”

“Well, Sam, it is. She doesn’t want to help us anymore. She doesn’t want to be here. _Her duty is to Heaven_. She’s not coming back.”

Sam stared at her. “She said that?”

“Yeah, dude. Does that sound like something I’d actually say?”

Sam rolls her eyes. “But you believed her?”

Deanna narrows her eyes at Sam. “Of course I fucking believed her. Why wouldn’t I?”

Sam scoffs. “That’s stupid.”

Deanna wrinkles up her nose, offended, and gets back to her feet. “Right. Can you go away now? I was busy.”

Sam stares at Deanna. “Just ask her to come back. What was that she said once? She always comes when you call or whatever? She’s not gonna blow you off.”

“You don’t think I’ve been asking her?” Deanna snaps, rounding on her sister, her anger finally getting the better of her. Sam’s eyes widen and she takes a step back. “You don’t think I pray to her every fucking night? Every time I see a tan truck or that ugly car or-- or another dark-haired girl in a leather jacket? You think I haven’t tried to beg her to come back? That I haven’t called her? I have. I ask her every goddamn day to come back, Sam. She’s not listenin’. She doesn’t give a shit about us.”

Sam stares at her sister sadly, her eyes still wide. Deanna looks away from her quickly and pushes around her.

“Dee--”

“I’m going out,” Deanna grumbles, walking out of the room and toward the showers.

Deanna’s out in the middle of nowhere. She’s not even sure where she is, honestly. She’s made so many turns and been driving for long she could be in canada for all she knows. There’s cornfields stretching for miles on either side of the road she’s on, and she can’t even see where the road ends beyond her headlights. She doesn’t feel like she’s moving. She feels like she’s under a spotlight while the scene around her runs in an endless loop.

She pulls over after a time, her tired eyes stinging from being forced open for so long. She should sleep, she thinks. She could rest for a few hours, get back on the road when the sun comes up. She hasn’t even passed a car in an hour or so; the chances of a cop driving by are slim at best. She sighs and turns the keys back and the van shuts off. She flips off the headlights and is bathed in absolute darkness.

She reclines the seat and crosses her arms, staring up at the roof.

She tries not to think about her. She really does, but Cas is a constant in her mind. Cas sits there, wherever she is, wherever Deanna looks, and stares at Deanna with that cool blue gaze that sends shivers down Dean’s spine.

Deanna squeezes her eyes shut, tries to block the image from her thoughts.

It doesn’t go away.

She reaches up and runs her hands through her hair, letting out a shaky sigh. She just wants things to be different, to be better. She wants to world to disappear and form again and let her have the things she wants. She wants Cas. She wants her so bad that it makes even her teeth ache. She wants their lives to match up perfectly in some stupid grocery store in a seaside town where they just happened to meet. She wants Cas to smile again. Wants to see it reach her eyes. Wants to see Cas actually laugh at something Deanna says. Deanna wants to laugh at something Cas says. She wants a world where they aren’t always running out of time. A world where they aren’t out of time altogether.

She wants to kiss Cas. She wants to hold her close, run her fingers through Cas’ hair. She wants to taste Cas on her lips, feel her body against her own. Doesn’t even need to be skin, she just wants the weight and the warmth and anything Cas will give her.

She wants anything Cas will give her.

“Hello, Deanna.”

Deanna gasps, blinking her eyes open wide and looking to her right where Cas is now sitting, just barely a silhouette against the darkness. Her eyes are a little sticky, her muscles stiff. She must have actually fallen asleep.

Deanna sits up quickly, smoothing out her hair and hugging her jacket tighter around herself. “How long were you sitting there?”

“You’ve only been asleep for about an hour.”

Deanna frowns, her face heating up in embarrassment. She swallows hard and flips the headlights back on so she can at least see _something_.

They sit in silence for a few long moments. Deanna’s stomach twists nauseatingly.

Cas just watches her.

“What-- uh-- Why’re you here, Cas? Thought you were done with m-- us,” Deanna stammers. Her face is on fire.

Cas frowns deeply and looks down at her own lap where he hands are clasped. “I’ve done some thinking,” she starts, and Deanna wants to reply with something snarky, to snap at her, but she stays silent, attentive.

“And I’ve decided that, while it’s important for me to help Heaven when it needs me, I’d like to stay here on Earth. With you and Sam.”

Deanna swallows hard and wrings her hands. “Look, Cas. I don’t… I didn’t mean to set an ultimatum. You don’t have to choose either or-- or even _stay,_ if you don’t want. If this is ‘cause you think I’m upset--”

“I know you’re upset, Dee, but that’s not the only reason I came back, or the only reason I want to stay. I should never have ignored you. I should never have tried to distance myself. I thought you’d merely grown _attached_ to me, that you’d figure out that you didn’t want me around, but that was,” Cas takes a deep breath, looking up toward the ceiling. “That was foolish.”

Deanna frowns at her, confused.

“I don’t want to give you up, Dee. Not for Heaven. Not for anything.”

Deanna’s heart jumps up in her throat. She stares at Cas for a long moment before she scoffs and turns her face away. Her eyes sting now with tears instead of exhaustion. She stares out of the windshield, too overwhelmed to look right at Cas.

“I’m sorry, Dee. I shouldn’t have left, all those weeks ago. I should have stayed.”

Deanna swallows thickly and shakes her head. “No, Cas. That’s-- You don’t have to choose. I shouldn’t have made you--”

“I don’t have to choose, but I’ve thought it over. And I’m not choosing one or the other. But I would like to stay here. Heaven doesn’t need me at all times. And years here on earth… They’re not more than a moment to the angels.”

Deanna frowns and closes her eyes. “Then I don’t really mean much, huh? Doesn’t make a difference if you stay down here or not. It’s nothing.”

Deanna jumps when Cas’ hand rests warm and gentle on her shoulder. She looks at Cas’ hand, then up to Cas’ face. Their eyes lock, both wide and bright.

“No matter how short our time together may seem to an angel, it is still important. It is still meaningful and whether or not I choose to keep my grace,” Cas ignores Deanna’s sound of protest, “our time together will always be an important part of me, for as long as I exist.”

Deanna stares at Cas, her lower lip wobbling dangerously. Her hands twitch but she forces them to remain in her lap. Cas must notice, though, because the hand she has resting on Deanna’s shoulder slides down and takes one of Deanna’s hands tightly. Deanna draws in a short breath and looks down at their hands, a long stretch of silence spreading between them. Finally, she tightens her grip around Cas’ hand.

Cas smiles gently and slides to the edge of her seat, turning so her legs are between them. Deanna watches her nervously.

“May I?” Cas asks, raising her free hand toward Deanna’s face, but stopping halfway.

Deanna glances at her hand, then back up into Cas’ eyes and she nods.

Cas reaches the rest of the way, cupping her hand around Deanna’s cheek. Deanna’s eyes flutter closed and she can’t even help herself when she tilts her face into the touch. Cas’ hand is warm and soft and everything Deanna needs. She turns her face slowly, pressing her lips against Cas’ palm. She hears Cas inhale sharply and she looks at her from out of the corner of her eyes.

The pad of Cas’ thumb grazes slowly over the crest of Deanna’s cheek, drags downward at a maddening pace and brushes lightly over Deanna’s lips. Deanna’s mouth falls open slightly, her breath hot against Cas’ hand.

Cas takes a deep breath and slides closer still, just barely on the edge of the passenger seat.

“Dee--”

“Don’t ask, Cas. Just-- Just kiss me. Please.”

Cas nods curtly. She doesn’t need to be told twice. She moves forward quickly, crowding against Deanna fast enough to make her head spin. Cas presses her lips to Deanna’s, at first tentative and soft. But Deanna makes a noise and that must break something inside Cas.

Cas surges closer, pulling Deanna’s face close and crushing their lips together in an eager kiss. Deanna’s never felt anything quite like it. She’s kissed men and women and everyone outside and inbetween but Cas is just--

Cas is warm and here and both a soft breeze and a crushing wave all at once. Cas is inside her and all around her and the scent of rain and earth is so overwhelming that Deanna feels she might faint and it’s everything she’d ever dreamed of and so much more.

“Cas,” Deanna breathes when she breaks away after a time. Could have been seconds, could have been hours. She neither knows nor cares.

“Yes, Dee?” Cas whispers, panting. Their foreheads are pressed together and Cas keeps brushing their noses together like she can’t help herself.

“You’re sure you want this?” _Want me?_ Deanna thinks, opening her eyes to look at Cas.

Cas gazes at her, bringing both hands up to cup her face firmly. “I want nothing more than to be with you, always, Dee. I want everything you’ll give me.”

Deanna shivers and huffs out a laugh, shaking her head. “S’funny. That’s what I want, too.” She presses a chaste kiss to Cas’ lips.

Cas makes a soft sound and chases Deanna’s lips when she pulls away.

“We either need to get in the back seat or back home. Right now,” Deanna murmurs.

Cas glances left toward the back of the van and then looks at Deanna again, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth in thought.

Deanna smiles a toothy, wolfish grin despite her nerves. “That _is_ why I converted the back seat to a bed…”

“Not so you or Sam would have a place to sleep on long drives in case there were no motels available?” Cas asks softly, teasing.

Deanna laughs again and gives a little shrug. She reaches between them and rests her hand on Cas’ knee.

Cas rests her hand on top of Deanna’s. “Is it comfortable?”

“It’s fine. Not my memory foam, that’s for sure. But it’s decent.”

“A stellar review,” Cas comments blandly.

Deanna shoves her shoulder with her free hand and laughs. She leans in and gives Cas another kiss.

“No one’s ever complained, if that helps.”

“Mm.” Cas nips lightly at her lower lip. “I don’t want to wait to drive back to the bunker. You drove an awfully long way from home.”

Deanna’s insides warm when Cas says _home_. She makes a pleased sound and kisses Cas again, this time pressing close enough to slide her arms around Cas’ neck. It’s a long moment of nothing but lips and breathy moans before Cas is pushing at Deanna’s jacket.

“Good thing it’s summer,” Deanna murmurs against Cas’ mouth as she shrugs the jacket off hurriedly.

“I don’t think that’s going to matter, Dee. We’ll keep each other warm enough.” That sends a jolt of pleasure straight through to Deanna’s core and she lets out a small sound, gripping the front of Cas’ jacket in her fists as she hauls her back in for a kiss.

“Love this jacket, y’know,” Deanna breathes, hushed between kisses. “Better than that ugly trench.”

Cas snorts and slides her hands down Deanna’s neck. “You kept the trench coat for a year while I was gone,” she points out.

“Yeah, well…” Deanna presses closer and pushes the leather jacket from Cas’ shoulders. “This is hotter.”

“Mm. I’ll remember that for my next wardrobe change.” Cas drags her hands down Deanna’s chest slowly and she cups her breasts through her T-shirt. Deanna shifts in her seat, her heart fluttering as Cas’ thumbs graze over her nipples. She breaks their kiss, letting out a short breath when Cas pinches them experimentally.

“You like that.” It’s not a question, and Cas sounds smug, like she already knew.

“Obviously,” Deanna snorts, licking her lips. “Really glad I didn’t bother wearing a bra.”

Cas smiles at her. She slides her hands down slowly and grips the hem of Deanna’s shirt and tugs it upward. She leans forward and ghosts her lips over Deanna’s nipples before pressing a wet kiss toward the top of Deanna’s breast.

Deanna shivers and runs her fingers through Cas’ hair, watching her with rapt attention, her mouth hanging open in awe. Cas looks up at her from under her lashes before placing another kiss between Deanna’s breasts. Deanna takes a hold of her shirt politely, allowing Cas’ hands to roam freely back down her chest and sides.

“Shit,” Deanna hisses, tipping her head back when Cas flicks her tongue over one of her nipples.

“Should we move to the back of the van, Dee?” Cas whispers, nipping playfully at the puckered flesh. Deanna jumps, letting out a little squeak. She flushes crimson and nods, glaring at Cas.

“This’ll be easier laying down, yeah. And you mention that sound to no one.”

They climb into the back of the van. It’s still cramped, since Deanna didn’t convert everything behind the front seat into a bed, just behind the second row of seats, but it’s better than trying to get it on on a bench seat. Deanna strips her T-shirt off completely and lays back against the lumpy pillows, watching at Cas slides up between her legs.

“We’re gonna get cramps,” Deanna comments with a laugh, sliding her hands up through Cas’ hair when she’s close enough.

Cas shakes her head and leans in, pressing her lips to Deanna’s. “I can still heal those.”

“I’m in for a very bendy ride, aren’t I?” Deanna teases.

“Hmm.” Cas kisses her again and Deanna’s eyes flutter closed.

Deanna lets her hands roam for a few moments before she begins working at the buttons on Cas’ blouse. She’d like to savor the moment, relish in each new bit of skin revealed, but her blood is rushing hot through her veins and she wants nothing more than to feel Cas’ skin against hers. The lacy bra Cas has on is white and it scratches her palms when she runs her hands over it. She cups her hands and is surprised at the size of Cas’ breasts. Of course, she’d seen them before. When she’d shown up covered in bees, the few times Deanna had had to stitch her up and a shirt just got in the way… But those didn’t count. Deanna hadn’t been paying attention. But now...

“Want some help?” Cas asks, sitting up a little to shrug her blouse off of her shoulders. She tosses it aside and reaches back to unhook her bra.

Deanna’s eyes are wide as she watches Cas, cast in the eerie dim glow of the headlights at the front of the van. She reaches out and runs a hand up over Cas’ soft, tan stomach. Cas gets the bra unhooked and tosses it aside.

“Christ, look at you,” Deanna whispers, voice barely audible even to herself. But Cas smiles, looking down at herself. Deanna admires her for a long moment, licking her lips and aching to her very core just at the sight of Cas.

Deanna pushes up from her elbow to her hand and leans in, pressing her lips to Cas’ throat. She slides her hand from Cas’ belly to her chest, grazing her short nails over Cas’ nipples. Cas inhales sharply, shivering. Deanna licks a stripe up her neck slowly, nipping at her earlobe.

“I’m always surprised at what feels good,” Cas admits softly, resting her hands on Deanna’s shoulders. “The breasts. The ears…”

Deanna wraps her arm around Cas’ middle and pulls her down so she’s laying on top of her. Cas looks at her, eyes hooded. “Human bodies are a myriad of surprises,” she whispers, breath hot against Deanna’s mouth.

Deanna smiles warmly and places a wet kiss to her chin. “We haven’t even gotten to the best part yet,” she tells her softly, running her hands over Cas’ back and sides. She kneads her fingers into Cas’ supple hips, massaging deep into her thighs.

“I know. I’m looking forward to that,” Cas says, unabashed.

Deanna chuckles and presses a thigh between Cas’ legs, pushing up to grind her hips against her. Cas lets out a low sound and looks down between them before rolling her hips down, grinding herself against Dean’s thigh.

“Yeah, that’s it, Cas. S’that feel good?” Deanna murmurs, pressing her forehead to Cas’.

Cas grinds down again and whines, and Deanna takes that as affirmation. She decides then that they still have far too many clothes on.

“Wanna feel how much you like it, Cas,” Deanna whispers into her ear. “Wanna feel how wet you are.”

Cas makes another pleased sound and looks at her, her eyes completely black in the dim light.

Deanna smiles, running her fingers back through Cas’ hair. “You wanna feel how wet I am, Cas?”

Cas huffs and surges forward, capturing Dean’s mouth in a heated kiss. Deanna has enough sense to reach down and start undoing the buttons on Cas’ pants. It’s a struggle, but years of getting other people out of their clothes have Deanna pushing Cas’ pants and panties down her thighs in record time.

Deanna doesn’t even bother with her own jeans before she’s sliding a hand between Cas’ legs, and yeah, Cas is very, very into this. She’s burning hot and dripping wet, coating Deanna’s hand in her slick with just a few gentle strokes of Deanna’s fingers.

Cas moans and drops her head into Deanna’s neck when her hand slides over Cas’ clit. She shudders and bucks her hips forward, searching for the feeling again. Deanna rubs at her clit with her middle finger, slowly drawing circles around it and pressing into it. Cas shakes against her, letting out breathy moans and tensing with each pass of Deanna’s finger.

Deanna presses a kiss to the side of her face. “Want you to feel how wet I am,” she whispers, watching as Cas turns her head to look up at her.

Cas wastes no time in undoing Deanna’s jeans. She reaches down and deftly undoes the button and the zipper. Deanna lifts her hips when Cas pulls them down around her ass and off completely.

“Glad I didn’t wear any panties, either,” Deanna says coyly, smirking up at Cas.

“As am I,” Cas mutters, breathless.

Cas surprises Deanna. She doesn’t lean back over Deanna’s body. She scoots back and leans forward, pushing Deanna’s knees apart to accommodate herself. Deanna flushes as Cas just looks, not used to the kind of adamant attention Cas is paying her.

“Cas?”

Cas looks up at her for a moment, but says nothing. Instead, she uses her fingers to spread Deanna’s pussy and she leans forward, giving Deanna’s clit an experimental lick.

Deanna gasps in surprise as Cas’ touch elicits a full body shudder, right down to her toes, which curl in the sheets. God, it’s been so long since anyone’s done this for her that she’s almost forgotten how good it felt. She reaches down and slides her fingers into Cas’ hair, closing her eyes while Cas works her over. It’s messy and lacks any sort of finesse, but damn, if it’s not the best head she’s ever received.

After what feels like hours, Deanna’s chest is heaving. Cas keeps her just on the edge, alternating between licking and sucking her clit and burying her tongue in Deanna’s pussy. Deanna’s been so close so many times, her hips rolling up desperately against Cas’ mouth. But Cas is drawing it out, and as much as Deanna hates it, she loves it as well. She loves that Cas wants this to last. Loves that Cas wants her at all.

Cas slides two fingers into her without warning, crooking them up and rubbing right into Deanna’s g-spot like it’s got a target on it. Deanna moans loudly and throws her head back, seeing stars.

“Right there, right there, right there, Cas, _fuck_ ,” she gasps, grinding her hips down against Cas’ fingers.

Cas smirks, apparently pleased with herself, and leans back down, latching on to Deanna’s clit while still thrusting her fingers into her. Deanna cries out, writhing on the bed, getting her feet under her enough to thrust her hips up eagerly against Cas’ mouth.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck fuuuck, Cas!” She shouts, her fingers tightening in Cas’ hair. Cas doesn’t let up, now. Doesn’t pull back to keep Deanna from falling over the edge. She keeps going until Deanna is practically in tears, coming hard around Cas’ fingers.

Deanna gasps for breath as she comes down, her heart hammering against her ribs. She blinks her eyes open and looks down at Cas, who’s still got her tongue buried in Deanna’s pussy, licking up every last drop of her release.

Deanna squirms, over-stimulated, and tugs lightly on Cas’ hair to get her attention. Cas pulls away, looking altogether disappointed that she’s been interrupted. Deanna chuckles breathlessly at her expression and strokes a fingertip from Cas’ cheek to her chin.

“Geddup here, Cas,” she whispers softly, dragging her fingers down Cas’ neck as she crawls up closer to Deanna.

Deanna leans up and kisses Cas softly, tasting herself on Cas’ lips. She slips a hand around Cas, pulling her close and pressing their bodies together.

“Cas,” Deanna whispers. “Let’s-- Here--”

She moves, situating them so Cas is straddling one of Deanna’s thighs. She pulls Cas close, as close as they can possibly be, and Deanna lifts her other leg to rest her calf on Cas’ shoulder. Cas licks her lips and stares down at Deanna as she begins rolling her hips, grinding her pussy against Deanna’s.

“That’s it, Cas. Just like that…” Deanna whispers, bucking her own hips up to meet Cas’ insistent thrusts.

Cas makes a soft sound, grinding down hard, finding friction against her clit and chasing the feeling it elicits with each movement. Deanna reaches up, runs her hand up Cas’ belly and chest, taking one of Cas’ nipples between her finger and thumb to pinch and twist ever so slightly.

Cas is so wet against Deanna. She can feel it even through her own slickness. They’re sliding together, rutting up against each other with an ever quickening pace, chasing the release that is right at their fingertips. Cas is gasping, panting against Deanna’s leg when she turns her face to press a kiss to Deanna’s ankle. She circles her hips greedily, then reaches down and slides her fingers over the sensitive nub between her folds. Deanna watches her fingers work at it insistently, so close, so, so close…

Cas moans and drops her hand, leaning forward a bit and grinding herself against Deanna urgently. Deanna is bent nearly in half but the pain of it is eclipsed by the sheer look of pleasure that overcomes Cas’ face. Cas jerks her hips, bearing down and thrusting eagerly as she comes, slick gushing out over Deanna’s own cunt. Deanna touches herself as she watches, eyes wide in rapt attention as she brings herself to a second orgasm just from the mere sight of Cas falling over the edge.

Cas pants heavily once she comes down, her body still giving feeble twists as the last of her orgasm recedes. She nudges her nose to the inside of Deanna’s calf and begins kissing her way up her leg slowly, along her knee and the inside of Deanna’s soft thighs. Deanna laughs and squirms when Cas gives her clit a couple of little licks, but that’s as much as Cas teases her. Cas slides up over Deanna and brackets her knees and elbows on either side of her hips and head, respectively. She smiles contentedly down at Deanna, brushing a few strands of hair away from Deanna’s sticky forehead.

Deanna smiles dreamily up at Cas. She brings a hand up and touches Cas’ chin, dragging a thumb over Cas’ red, swollen lips. They don’t say anything for a long moment, just sort of look at each other, which would usually make Deanna pull away in discomfort but Cas just holds her gaze and everything feels just how it’s supposed to be.

Eventually Cas lays down beside Deanna, stretching like a cat even in the cramped space. Cas watches her as Deanna rolls over and curls up against Cas’ side, sliding an arm around Cas’ middle and resting her head on Cas’ soft chest. Cas brings a hand up to stroke through Deanna’s hair, her nails scraping pleasantly over Deanna’s scalp.

“Why haven’t we done that yet?” Deanna asks, voice hoarse. She closes her eyes contentedly.

“I believe you’ve said it before: we’re a couple of dumbasses,” Cas replies softly.

Deanna snorts. “‘Less dumb, less ass.’ I remember.”

Cas makes a small noise, but they don’t say much more. They breath softly together, Cas twirls a strand of Deanna’s hair, and Deanna hums _Monday Morning_ while circling her fingers lazily over Cas’ torso until she drifts off into a restful sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Deanna wakes up with the sun, mostly at Cas’ insistence. Cas bribes her with buying them coffee on the way home and reminds Deanna that cops could stop at any time and the last thing Deanna wants is to be greeted at the ass crack of dawn by an officer while she’s naked. God only knows how that would end.

They change back into their clothes outside of the van rather quickly, the fear of being caught spurring Deanna to pull on her pants faster than she ever has in her whole life. She smooths out her hair and gets in the driver’s seat as Cas climbs in on the passenger side. She whips the van around and starts heading back the way she came. The drive lasts mostly in silence, Cas occasionally making a comment about an animal or a plant she notices. Deanna takes her hand and holds it on her thigh. Cas smiles at Deanna like she hung the moon.

Sam comes stumbling out of the hallway when they get to the bunker, gun in hand and looking bleary-eyed, staring at Cas like she’s seen a ghost.

“Cas, you’re back!” she exclaims once realization hits her. She rushes forward and wraps Cas in a massive hug that Cas returns just as fiercely. Cas’ feet almost leave the floor and she gives a surprised laugh.

Deanna rolls her eyes. “Get a room, you two,” she grouses, though there’s no real heat in her words.

Sam laughs heartily and shakes her head. She lets Cas go to look at her. “Where’ve you been, Cas? We’ve been trying to reach you…”

“I know,” Cas admits, frowning and sounding regretful. “I apologize. My priorities were… misplaced. But I’ve figured some things out and I’m back. To stay, if that’s alright.”

Deanna’s stomach twists up in knots at her words.

Sam just beams. “That’s more than okay, Cas. We’re glad to have you back. We’ll have to let everyone know. We had Jody and Claire looking for you, too. They’ll wanna know you’re home safe.”

“Of course. I-- Can I call Claire myself?”

Sam nods quickly. “Yeah, definitely.”

Cas gives Sam a smile and looks at the both of them before sighing. “I think I’m going to clean up.” She casts a significant look at Deanna before turning away. Deanna doesn’t misinterpret it.

“I’ll catch up,” Deanna calls after her, against her better judgement. She flushes immediately, realizing what she’s said in front if her sister, but Sam just snorts.

“Right. Remind me to buy earplugs as soon as possible,” Sam says, wrinkling up her nose. “And maybe some bleach for my eyes.”

Deanna looks at her sister, whose expression is a mixture of teasing a mild disgust. Now that she knows Sam apparently isn’t fazed by the news that she and Cas are _together_ , Deanna can’t resist offering up a wolfish grin.

“Good idea, Sammy. You know I’m a screamer.”

Sam looks absolutely horrified. “Gross, Dee! Get the hell out of here!” She sounds disgusted, but she’s laughing all the same.

Deanna laughs uproariously and hurries off down the hall toward the showers. As she turns into the bathroom, already filling with steam, she sees the faint outline of Cas behind one of the curtains. She licks her lips and pulls off all of her clothes before slipping into the shower stall behind her.

“A shower, Cas? You know a bath would have been better for a quickie.”

Cas glances back at her over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “Who said I wanted to have sex? Maybe I just wanted to shower with you.”

Deanna flushes and kicks herself for assuming. “Oh… well, yeah… We can just shower. That’s fine… _More_ than fine,” she stumbles through the sentence, embarrassed.

Cas smiles and turns to Deanna fully. She reaches out and wraps her arms around Deanna’s neck and pulls Deanna flush against her body. Cas is a long, hot line against Deanna and she’s suddenly dizzy, the steam and Cas’ presence finally getting to her.

“I wouldn’t mind having sex _out_ of the shower, however. Shower sex just seems dangerous.”

Deanna laughs like it’s been punched out of her. She hadn’t been expecting that. She leans forward and presses a hard kiss to Cas’ lips, bringing her own arms up to slide around Cas’ hips. They stand there under the warm spray for a few moments, kissing and touching lightly. Dean’s sucking a little mark into Cas’ neck when they finally slow down enough to speak again.

“I _do_ have a few things that you might be interested in under my bed. They’re pretty fun,” Deanna tells her, licking at the tender love bite she’s left on Cas’ neck. Cas whimpers quietly and presses her lips to Deanna’s temple.

“I look forward to it,” Cas whispers, drawing a hand down Deanna’s back slowly and holding her tight against her.

The finally get around to washing up when the water starts to feel cold.

They’re loud that night. They’re loud and Deanna makes sure it lasts. Sam politely doesn’t mention the noise the next morning when Deanna walks into the kitchen and sits down across from her with her bowl of cereal and cup of coffee. All Sam really does is adjust the newspaper she’s reading, gives Deanna a stern look, then goes back to reading said paper. Deanna’s cheeks heat up and she tells her sister to shut up, but she’s smiling. Cas wanders in wearing a pair of Deanna’s worn old pajamas and Deanna’s heart nearly stops at the sight.

They take a break that day. No hunts, no research. They leave their phones on just in case, but the monsters can wait for another day. Sam sits in one of the overstuffed chairs in the library, cracking open a musty old book, insisting that it’s something she’s reading for fun. Deanna doesn’t hound her on it.

Deanna drives Cas to the river and they stay there for hours. Deanna gets sunburned and the water is warm and Cas can’t seem to stop pulling Deanna in for kisses. Deanna feels like she’s 25 again. Her normal aches and pains aren’t bothering her. The weight on her shoulders is gone. The tall trees on either side of the river shade them from the heat and from view of anyone driving down the gravel road behind them when they lay out on the blanket Deanna keeps in the back of the van. Cas feeds Deanna grapes and kisses the juice from her lips.

Fluff from Eastern cottonwood trees drifts through the air, slow and lazy, letting the breeze pick it up and drop it close to the earth, just shy of touching down, before whisking it away again. It moves like the river at their feet and Deanna thinks she doesn’t hate them anymore. The sun catches them just right and they almost sparkle. A fluff gets caught in Cas’ hair so Deanna reaches out, plucks it away with her fingers and holds it up to Cas’ lips. Cas leans close and blows it away.

Deanna knows it’ll land eventually. That it will settle and grow.

For now, Deanna thinks they look like a dream.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The world needs more femslash. I hope you enjoyed my contribution.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


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